after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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