I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
