# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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