Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Never joke about your clitoris.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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