I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
