dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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