My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
