Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
