Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
