You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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