The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
