Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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