Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
