the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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