you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
