woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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