so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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