I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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