oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
two words: eviction party
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
