8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
