Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
3 2 1 whiskey
Holy sore nipples Batman
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.