I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to