Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.