im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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