there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize