It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
