I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
