i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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