mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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