70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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