Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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