She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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