420 ftw
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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