I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
