we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
