the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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