eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
