grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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