Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
