I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We smell like vodka and hangover
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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