well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
