he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
