The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
