70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
