doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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