Sry I called you an 8
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.