I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dating After Heartbreak
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.