I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.