Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
