So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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