i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
