guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
