I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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