Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have fence marks all over my body
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
