The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
