Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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