You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
