Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
