in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
