someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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