I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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