when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
