I feel like I'm in dance class right now
there's paper in my vomit.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
