Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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