So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
