just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
