why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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