I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
