The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
