just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
