I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
