i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
